Kyle Busch died on May 21. He was 41. A two-time Cup champion, one of the best to ever do it, and just like that, gone, a sudden illness that turned into something nobody could stop in time. He left behind his wife, Samantha Busch, and two kids. Brexton is 11. Lennix is 4.

Samantha’s been sharing her grief in pieces since then. Her latest post is the rawest one yet, where she explains that her role as a parent has become her priority even during her darkest phase.

“I lost the love of my life, my person, and my best friend,” she wrote. “But I’m still Mom.” Then she said the part most people never admit out loud. “I want to curl up in a ball and cry. But I’m a mom. Brexton and Lennix still need hugs, comfort, laughter, routines, and someone to help carry their hurting hearts while mine is shattered.”

That’s basically been her whole month, in one line. She talked about waking up early, having a cry, then just… making pancakes. Answering questions from her kids about a loss she’s still trying to wrap her own head around. Smiling through it because missing him doesn’t take breaks.

“They are the reason I keep putting one foot in front of the other,” she wrote. “For Brexton. For Lennix. For him.”

Before Kyle died, she promised him she’d keep Brexton racing. Less than three weeks later, Brexton was back in his Legend Car at the Summer Shootout in Charlotte. Finished sixth. Samantha said watching him out there felt heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time, like catching little flashes of Kyle in how he drives.

The next night, Kyle’s dad, 72-year-old Tom Busch, took an honorary lap in that same car. Brexton stood up on the flag stand and waved him around. Then Father’s Day hit. Samantha later said the hardest part wasn’t even the day itself, it was finding out both kids had already made Kyle handmade Father’s Day cards before he got sick. Cards he never got to see.

The Part Nobody Sees, but Samantha Busch has to Face Every Day

Behind all of this, there’s a lot of unglamorous paperwork, too. Samantha’s been appointed to handle Kyle’s estate in North Carolina; his will leaves his personal property to her, which at least keeps things stable for the kids going forward.

Kyle Busch‘s brother Kurt has stepped up as well. He put a million dollars into a trust for Brexton and Lennix, and he’s pushing hard to get Kyle into the Hall of Fame sooner rather than later. That kind of backup matters more than people realize. Just months before Kyle died, the couple had settled a lawsuit over a life insurance policy that had cost them millions in hidden fees. Which means the payout most families would count on in a moment like this wasn’t totally there.

Even their charity found a way to keep going. The Bundle of Joy Fund, the one they started back in 2015 to help other couples afford IVF, has seen donations pour in since Kyle passed. People have been giving weirdly specific amounts, like $18.08 and $180, tied to his old number and his current one.

Samantha Busch’s using that money right now to fund more $20,000 IVF grants before the year’s out. None of it brings him back. But it’s how she’s keeping the lights on for her family, one day at a time.