For Holly Holm, the return to boxing has yielded mixed results. While she opened the chapter on a winning note, consecutive losses to Stephanie Han have left her fighting career at a crossroads. Had the judges favored her in the rematch that unfolded at Jake Paul’s MVP-ESPN card in El Paso, she believes, it would not have reached this stage.

What appears to have caused even greater anguish is the way the recent outcome mirrored the controversy surrounding the first bout with Han. Holm lost the bout in Puerto Rico by a technical unanimous decision after the referee stopped it in the 7th round following an accidental headbutt that left Han bleeding. Adding a layer to the controversy, the former champion told Ariel Helwani that the signs of a setback during their first fight appeared much earlier, when she spoke to referee Louis Pabon during their pre-fight meeting.

“Like even my first fight in Puerto Rico, but my referee’s, you know, rules meeting in the locker room was the most bizarre meeting I’ve ever had,” she told Ariel Helwani. “He made me sit down… He made me sit down face to face this close. And has me in this whole, the whole rule meeting.”

“He said, ‘Any questions?’ And I said, ‘No, sir, I’m good to go.’ And then he’s like, ‘Well, you know, there’s no elbows in this sport. ‘Oh, I was like, ‘Yeah.’ He’s like, ‘Well, you come from MMA.’ I said, ‘I know, but I boxed before.’ I said, ‘Trust me, I’m good.’ And he’s like, ‘Yeah, but it’s in here. It’s in here. And he’s like getting in my face about it. And I was like, ‘I’m not going to throw any elbows.’ Like I’m like, ‘I’m, it’s boxing.’ ‘I get it.'”

That way, Holly Holm tried to stay polite, assuring the referee that she would follow boxing rules. Still, she began wondering whether the referee already had bias against her. The meeting also left her reflecting on what she felt was a broader perception surrounding her MMA background.

While Holly Holm is a three-division boxing champion with a Hall of Fame recognition, she is widely recognized for her pioneering work in the UFC, where she competed in some of the biggest fights in the promotion’s history.

So once the meeting ended, Holm felt the tension had passed. But as the fight with Han progressed, those frustrations resurfaced in a different way.

“Then as soon as the headbutt happened in the first fight, he looks right at me, and he goes, ‘I told you to watch your head,'” she added. “Oh, I’m like, ‘You do realize the front of her head hit the side of my head.’ So if there is some, like, and it’s not like she wants to headbutt either. It’s not; I’m not. This is nothing against her as far as that. Nobody wants that to happen. But if you’re going to, you know, after that it was like everybody was labeling it ‘Holly Holm accidental headbutt.’ How is that? It’s an accidental headbutt, sure, but how is it mine when the front of her head is on my head?”

Holm’s frustration only grew as she felt that the referee constantly warned and scrutinized her while overlooking similar actions from Han.

When the fight atmosphere had already shifted against Holly Holm

At the time of the stoppage in the 7th round, Han was ahead on all three judges’ scorecards (69-65, 68-65, and 69-64). Holm felt she had done more than enough to earn a win. She dictated the pace and threw three more punches and was never seriously hurt. While she stopped short of blaming the referee, Holm continued to feel that her MMA background may have caused the officials to judge her differently from the start.

In sharp contrast to that ending, Holm vs Han II was allowed to continue. However, the result once again went in Han’s favor.

That also explains why, despite the setbacks, Holm continues to receive a wave of support, remains optimistic about her fighting future, and believes major opportunities still await her.

“I still want to call out the best because I feel I won the fight. So, I want to fight Katie Taylor. I still want the big fight. Hopefully I can still make that happen,” she said at the post-fight presser.

That enthusiasm likely extends to the octagon as well, where Holm blasted long-time rival Ronda Rousey, who also made a comeback to professional fighting last month, for avoiding a rematch.